what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
