2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
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I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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