He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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