We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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