Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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