I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
