my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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