I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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