I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So many bounce houses so little time
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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