This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
