I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
