I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
