remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My balls are so social today.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
