Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
