Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
