Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
