the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning