even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
