please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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