I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
