He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My feet surprised me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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