At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
