i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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