Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
