Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
