i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
