yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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