Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
