I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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