Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
