the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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