I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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