I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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