i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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