Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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