im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
