She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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