Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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