He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
