The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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