I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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