I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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