I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
