420 ftw
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
