I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
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i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
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I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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