Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
