she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
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Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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