my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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