Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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