We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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