wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
