I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
