He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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