I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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