Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
