I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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