Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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