bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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