I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
