my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
