so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
