I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
