I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
