Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
