It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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