Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
