i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
handjob tips. give me some.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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