Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
